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The S*n
#1
Trash but everyone reads it so you should probably care.
Steve | A-Team
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#2
January 1991 - SACKED TORY CABINET MINISTER HAS LOVE CHILD FROM A ONE NIGHT ROMP

by Kelvin Mackenzie

After a stunning 48 hours of turmoil from Westminster, the Sun Newspaper has been passed a dossier containing bank statements from a secret bank account of the former Conservative Health Secretary William Croft. These statements show that Croft has been making covert payments for the maintenance of a child - who does not share the same mother as his other children.

Indeed, this EXCLUSIVE story, only in today's edition of THE SUN - has seen some overwhelming evidence that Croft's cash payments have gone to the a love child from an extra marital affair!

We at The Sun think it is very poor form for serial rebel Croft to have mounted his pathetic challenge to the Prime Minister in a time of national crisis, but this only compounds it - the yet unconfirmed rumours of Will Croft being involved in the Tory Briefing Wars aside, the outrageous double standards shown by Croft are reason enough to make him unfit for high office - we applaud and commend the Prime Minister for sacking this LOVE RAT.
Max | A Team
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#3
March 1992 - EUPHEMIA FORNICATOR-MACLEOD
Former Education boss in bisexual swinger scandal

by Kelvin Mackenzie

Today, the Sun can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that Euphemia Fournier-Macleod, the former Education Secretary under Marcus Drummond-Macbeath and Aubyn Myerscough, attended numerous BDSM and swinger parties across central London involving both men and women.

According to our Sun source, Fournier-Macleod, the married 37-year-old MP for Fulham, attended the secret sex parties with her husband. Photographs passed to the Sun (inset) show Mrs Fournier-Macleod in various compromising positions with both men and women and our source confirms Fournier-Macleod has always been a secret bisexual. 

The source also said that the former education chief considers herself a ‘domme’ (which, for pure of heart Sun readers, is their term for a dominant female) and that she frequently engages in bondage and sadomasochism with her many lovers. 

At the Sun, we think it’s a disgrace that a woman who not so long ago was in charge of our schools engages in such activities in private. We say it’s time for her former boss, the Prime Minister, to take swift action and remove the whip rather than let Mrs Fournier-Macleod continue to hold one in private!
Redgrave | A-Team
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#4
March 1992- We’re With Willy 

With Britain facing a growing IRA threat, and with Sir James nowhere to be found, the British people need a fighter. Those of us at the Sun have found one: Will Croft. 

By Kelvin Mackenzie

Parliament is on the brink of collapse over Europe. The IRA has been found infiltrating Government buildings. Yet the country’s biggest drama is, unsurprisingly, the epic war being waged to determine who will become the next Tory Leader and therefore Prime Minister. 

That war is nowhere near finished. Two of the contenders, Dylan Macmillan and Harry Saxon are both busy fighting their own battles. While Macmillan lays wounded over the Maastricht defeat, Saxon busily sharpens his knives to prepare himself for the next backstabbing. What they both have in common is this: while they are both fixated on running to be the next Tory Party leader, the country is in desperate need of a Prime Minister. 

Enter stage left: the Home Secretary, lovingly known by readers of this paper as “Willy” Croft. It is true that not so long ago, this newspaper exposed infidelities on the part of Mr. Croft, notably by labelling him as a "LOVE RAT".  

You might think that this would steer us away from Mr. Croft and yet at the Sun, having seen his performance over the last year, we say he is a veteran political streetfighter, with the battle scars to prove it. 

In the past year alone he’s served as Health Secretary, been booted from his party for challenging the fugitive Drummond-Macbeath, and then been readmitted and elevated to the Home Office. In an era of British politics where the mighty are regularly falling, Croft has proven he has staying power, and most importantly that he’s a fighter. 

In this gravest of hours, that is what Britain needs most: a fighter. 

That is why this paper is proud to endorse Mr. Croft as the next Tory leader, and as our country’s next Prime Minister. Croft will keep our taxes low, the socialists at bay, and the Queen on our money. 

He’ll lock up the terrorists who threaten our country and who keep families awake at night. He will let the British people petition to recall their MP when they’re failing to do the job they were elected to do. And he’ll kickstart the outgoing Prime Minister’s National Service scheme, cleaning up our streets and giving young people jobs. Those are all plans this paper can get behind. 

Is he perfect? Certainly not. Is he the consummate statesman? Eh. But our readers like him. At a time when Labour is preparing to drag Britain kicking and screaming into the socialist stone age, and the Tory Party is seeing its former Ministers executed, we think it’d be nice to have a Prime Minister we can all get behind for once. 

Let it be known: Mr. Love Rat, we at the Sun love you back. If the Tory Party has any backbone left, they’ll cut to the chase and put you in Number 10.
Redgrave | A-Team
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#5
RED TOMMY’S MARX WORSHIP
Shadow Chancellor leaves flowers for destructive Communist

by Kelvin Mackenzie

In a world where everyone can surprise you, it’s reassuring to know that some people are exactly what they seem on the surface. Shadow Chancellor Tommy Dawson, Labour’s hard left union agitator and deputy to Silent Jim, has visited the tomb of Communist hero Karl Marx a grand total of 15 times over the years, both as a student and a trade union official.

The visits, which began in 1966 and went on until at least 1979, saw Dawson leaving a bouquet of red roses each time. One such visit, taken when Dawson was an organising director of the Steelworkers Union, was photographed by a former comrade. The pictures (see left) show a sad looking Dawson laying the flowers, undoubtedly thinking about how he can spread Marx’s bankrupt ideas across our great land.

When Mr. Dawson next bleats on about how Tory policies are allegedly oppressing the working classes, you might want to ask him if he has anything to say about the millions who died under Communism as a result of Marxist ideas.

Or alternatively, you could just show Silent Jim’s hard left mob the door at the ballot box in a few weeks…
Redgrave | A-Team
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#6
BONNIE QUEEN  CHARLIE
Referendum manifesto chief caught with his pants down on Hampstead Heath
By Kelvin Mackenzie
 
Photo of Kinbote and a young gentleman being talked to by the police following
 
He is the recently knighted, teddy bear loving, staunch conservative who has masterminded the rise of the Referendum Party in the polls following the unorthodox campaign strategies he perfected as manifesto chief. But today, THE SUN can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that Sir Charles Kinbote is a practising homosexual who has been caught with his trousers down in public and has been cautioned by the police. Despite his public image as a staunch member of the right wing of the Tory party, where as Health Secretary his aggressive plans to deal with the AIDS crisis were blocked by Aubyn Myerscough, he has been meeting with younger men in perverted romps in public toilets in the notorious North London gay hotspot of Hampstead Heath. Eagle eyed moral observers noticed Kinbote heading into a public toilet with a “young man of an Asian or Arabic persuasion whom he was openly intimate with” at around 8 PM on Thursday night, days after he was nominated by Referendum’s parliamentary leader, Harry Saxon, for a knighthood in the Dissolution Honours. Shocked by the depraved perversion they were lead to believe was occurring in the toilet, they immediately notified the police, who were quick to arrive on the scene and apprehend the two men.
Kinbote and his lover were given a formal caution by the police, who were more lenient on the two men than we would have been, as this was their first recorded offence. However, a source from Kinbote’s constituency of Woking has alleged that he has been known to prowl for young men on Horsell Common, and is alleged to have been involved in an incident in a local pizza restaurant. This source said: “In the 1890s of  H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds, the sand pits of Horsell Common were the site of the first Martian landing. 100 years later, in the 1990s, Horsell Common is the site of something far worse: the depraved sexual proclivities of a high profile hypocrite. Kinbote preaches against sodomy in Parliament, and yet is willing to engage in it in public toilets and local restaurants.”
 
We at the Sun have a simple code: politicians should not say one thing in public that they then go against in private. Whilst we have applauded Kinbote’s plans for a track and trace system to deal with those spreading the plague of AIDS, and his plan to crack down on pornography on TV, he has failed a simple moral test, by indulging in sick homoerotic perversion in private. To Sir Jimmy, and Harry Saxon, we say one thing: SACK HIM!
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#7
BUGGER OFF BACK TO MOSCOW, COMRADES
The Sun endorses The Conservative Party 
By Kelvin Mackenzie

The Sun says; vote Conservative tomorrow and keep Battling Bibi in No 10.

The alternative is a Labour Government led by Snoozy Jim; a man with all the attributes of a humourless Stasi official, with Tommy the Commie and Gobshite Scousewife Ruth in tow. 

These three clowns are possibly the most dangerous people in Britain right now; they'll tax you 'til the pips squeak', spend like there's no tomorrow, cut our defence to the bone, and make Britain dance to the tune of their Trade Union fat cat friends. 

The United Kingdom has made great strides since Lady Thatcher's victory in 1979, the frontiers of socialism have been rolled back for good. Labour might be stuck in a commie time warp, but in the words of the cult classic; "Madness takes its toll... it's just a jump to the left... let's do the time warp again"

Under Bibi and her Top Tory Team the economy is on the up again - work pays and there's no room for spongers and scroungers. But most importantly of all we've smashed the Argies 2-nil and that's a record to be proud of. 

Tomorrow, let's tell this Ban The Bomb Hug A Homo Trot Trio to bugger off back to Moscow.
Max | A Team
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#8
OCTOBER 1992 - SHADOW CABINET NAZI SHAME
Scott Webster’s uncle was a fascist party member in 1950s

by Kelvin Mackenzie

As Griff Rhys Morrison settles into his leadership with a new look Shadow Cabinet, he should be made aware that one of his number has a rather dark connection.

Scott Webster, the former Deputy Leadership candidate who is now Shadow Health Secretary and Chair of Welsh Labour, has an uncle who was… wait for it… a member of Oswald Mosley’s mob back in the 1950s!

Ian Webster, Scott’s uncle on his father’s side, was a member of the Union Movement from 1950 to 1955. A far-right political party that attempted to bring ‘new ideas’ to fascism, the movement eventually flopped but it clearly had enough appeal for the likes of Scott Webster’s uncle.

We at the Sun think there are some serious questions for his nephew, who conveniently has never mentioned his uncle’s allegiances:

1. Was Scott aware of his uncle’s party membership?
2. If so, why has he kept silent until now?
3. If not, how can he have been so unaware of his uncle’s views?
4. Are any more of Scott’s family members tempted by fascism?

We’d welcome a response by Mr Webster urgently and I’d recommend that Mr Morrison watches very carefully to see whether his golden boy is a liar or merely ignorant about what surrounds him.
Redgrave | A-Team
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